1/21/2010

im not ok right now. i dont know what is wrong exactly but today is just not my day. i want to be happy and not tired and just feel joy. i can't feel anything, no one wants to talk to me no one cares. im trying my best not to spiral down into the pit of darkness that i just dragged myself out of. i cant go back there but its hard to stop it. i so want to talk to him but at some points it seems pointless, and other times im just too scared. i want this school year to be over and i want to leave. i cant stay here any more and be happy with myself.
i breaking of relationships with people left and right..i dont know if thats the right thing to do but i dont need these people in my life. they have not treated me right so they do not deserve to be a part of my life. i just wish they would get the idea and leave me alone. im trying to let people into my life more but it seems as if they are resisting maybe i should take the hint and leave them alone.
im tired of people outing me to the whole world. yes i do like females but if i didnt tell that person maybe i dont want them to know something personal about me. so shut your mouth about my orientation. because you honestly dont really understand what i like who i like and how i feel about myself.
i guess thats all i have to say because im tired and on the verge of tears.