Sunday, August 16, 2009


"What's wrong?" Jo asked shaking my shoulder.
"Oh..uh nothing I'm fine." I ran my fingers over my short curly hair.
"Dude your lying." Jo fluffed my hair and walked away. I felt like crying but that wasn't possible. I couldn't show weakness,I had to be strong.
"Daryn! Come on let's go." laughing at Jo i stood up and walked across the street. "Omg Daryn! check out that hottie in the black shorts."
"Jo stop staring, people are going to start calling the police on your horny ass." Jo laughed but kept staring.
"Man i need a sexy special someone."
"Yeah don't we all." I sighed and walked into the store for some blacks.
"Daryn you really should stop smoking."
"Why? I only do it every once in a while,only when I'm stressed."
"Which is all the fucking time. Do something productive, like writing or working out."
"Whatever man." I lite up and walked away puffing happily

Jo didn't like to be around me when i smoked. Something about not anting to die from extreme smoke inhalation. It was ok though, I liked having time to myself. I got to reflect on all the shit that stresses me out. Like the odd look the cashier gave me at the store. But i guess i should be used to that. He was even more surprised when i opened my mouth and began to speak but whatever.
I found a quiet spot in the woods to sit and smoke. i took out my mp3 player and started blasting some heavy metal. "If only i had some weed. Then it would be a party." sitting there listening to music made the others show up. I was in a good mood so i politely said hi to each. The heavy metal excited Jacob and Stacy. They started singing along and rocking out pissing off everyone else.
"Damn! Daryn turn that shit off. Jacob and Stacy are acting like fucking idiots." Brian said. Stacy gave Brian the evil eye and turned the music up louder.
"Yeah Stacy fuck the system!" Jacob yelled banging his head and dancing happily. Brian sighed and tried to have an intelligent conversation with Don. They got frustrated when they couldn't completely block out the music.
"We'll just talk later. Bye Daryn." They said in unison leaving Jacob and Stacy.
"Daryn! Come on man don't let them ruin our fun!" Stacy said.
"Yeah." Jacob sat next to me and patted my shoulder,"Where's the weed dude?"
"I don't have any." They gasped and stared at me.
"Why not?" Stacy asked.
"Cause i didn't buy any. Plus i was hanging out with Jo today."
"Eww,why?Jo is so fucking boring."
"Yeah you should hang with us more." Jacob said.
"Jacob I'm not trying to get high and party everyday. I got shit to deal with." Stacy groaned ."Shit! Lets go Jacob. Daryn's getting's over." They left me as my mood came crashing down. I turned off they music and threw the speaker.
My cell phone vibrated in my pocket. It was my mom,probably calling about my meds.
"Where are you?" she asked quietly.
"I'm in the woods."
"What?! ugh never mind. just get your ass back here now."
"Yeah ok mom." I hung up and flicked the black further into the woods. I picked up the speaker and left the woods walking home.
"Hey Jo."
"Hey Daryn, mom's drunk?"
"Yep, she orders me to come home to take care of her." "Yeah well I'll help you out if you need it."
"Jo you weren't even there when Jacob and Stacy were pissing me off." i shook my head"You always show up when things are fucked up but you never help out. Just leave me alone!" I walked away but i could still feel Jo hanging around like a fucking tumor.
I got home and slammed the door trying to get rid of Jo.
"Daryn! Come here!" my mom yelled from her room.I peeked my head into her room and was disgusted by what i saw.
"Daryn this is Toby. Now I need you to clean up all this shit." she pointed to the empty bottles on the bed and floor.
"And you need me to do this now? While your fucking some stranger?" she got out of her bed and slapped me.
"You do what i ask when i ask. I don't need to hear your judgemental bullshit. Now clean up." Jo was right behind me saying everything was ok. I thought that Jo should shut the fuck up and go away.
After i cleaned her room trying to block out the moans i walked out and closed her door.
"Daryn!" she called
"What?!" I screamed.
"Don't yell at me, you have an appointment tomorrow at 12:00. If you miss it your ass isn't leaving this house ever."

"Everyone go away!" I slammed my door and screamed into my pillow.
"Calm down Daryn." Brian said "We're here to help."
"Fuck you!" I screamed. Jo lay next to me and started to rub my back.
"Everything is ok we are all here fr you."
"No! You all are the ones causing the problems."
"Dude you know that's not true." Jacob said. I couldn't take it anymore, each one was talking getting louder clouding my mind. I took out my knife and started cutting. With each gash another voice left me. I lay there arms bleeding head aching.
"Daryn...I'm still here for you." Jo said quietly. No matter what i did i could never get rid of Jo. Jo has always been there always.

"Good morning sunshine."
"Fuck you Jo."
"That wasn't very nice."
"Well i don't really give a shit."
"Hey don't forget to take your meds."
"It's not like they do anything anyway."
"Don't argue just take them."
"Did I say 'Fuck you Jo' already?"
"Yes you did."
"Ok well just let that replay in your mind over and over again so i don't waste my breath." I left Jo in my room while I showered and got ready for the day. But the quiet time never lasted long.
"Grr...yes Jo?"
"Please take your medicine.: I cursed under my breath and nodded my head. I took the many medications and made sure Jo knew about it.
Careless whisper started playing in my head which made me think of Amber. I hadn't talked to her in a while and i kinda missed it. But ever since I got out of the hospital she never came around. I think I got rid of her permanently When I tried to slit my throat. I rubbed the scar on my neck and started to hum careless whisper. It was Amber's favorite song, so it used to always play in the back of my mind.
I couldn't stop thinking about her, Amber was around before Jo. I really did miss her and her soft soothing voice.
"I want her back!" I yelled.
"Amber is not coming back Daryn." Jo said calmly. I looked in the mirror and saw the tear before I felt it. My hand made contact with the glass. Little pieces fell into the sink. The blood trailed down to the cuts on my arm.
"Make sure you clean that up. You don't need an infection." Jo said.
"Omg! Do you ever just shut the fuck up?!"
"I guess not."

I cleaned up and took a walk blasting music into my ears to drown out the noise.
"Sorry to interrupt but it's almost 12:00. You have a doctor's appointment." Ash said. Ash was polite and quiet so i always listened. Ash didn't annoy me like the others.
"Did Jo tell you to remind me?"
"Yes." i sighed deeply.
"ok I'll go to my appointment."
"Thank you Daryn."
"No problem Ash."

Saturday, August 15, 2009

off the top of my head

ok so i haven't really expressed myself in a while. its not my fault that i don't have a computer anymore. i miss typing and searching for random things on the Internet. i miss myspace and i tried facebook but i decided ill wait till i get to college since that's the whole point of facebook.
well life is treating me well and i haven't really had any problems lately. i wish i could get out more to see a special someone because i miss them like crazy. but i know i should just get used to it since they are leaving really really soon. it'll be hard but i think i have to try my best to be strong. i don't want them to regret anything or to worry about me to much. they need the freedom that college provides and i hope they realize that even though we are far away ill always be here cause i don't plan on going anywhere. even though this is the end of one chapter it doesn't mean its the end of our wonderful story. even though times get rough i still love you and that's not going to change. your my best friend and a part of me that i cant do without. your someone i can be myself with and feel i don't have to put on a facade to make you happy you love me for who i am even though i can be extremely annoying but you still care. your like the only one that i feel truly cares about me. if this doesn't work out i still want us to be best friends. but I'm hoping it all works out cause i know i could spend my life with you. well i don't want to get too mushy so ill stop here.

Friday, August 14, 2009


omg i have to find a computer whenever i can cause my life sucks! well one person makes it all better yay! i love you austyn!