Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Sooo i haven't written anything about my life in a while because i have been obsessed with a story I'm writing(which has now moved to my other blog). anyhoo nothing interesting is really happening except my birthday is in two days. hopefully that means more freedom for me but who's knows? umm my love life is a whole different story that i really don't want to get into but just know that i am happy with life right now. nothing to difficult i can pretty much handle things on my own. plus its summer which is supposed to be stress free. can someone help me get that way?! lol anyway i hope everything straightens itself out because i really don't feel like killing anyone in the next few weeks.

Monday, June 15, 2009


so this kid named Johnathan met this boi named austyn. they became really close friends because austyn was freaking awesome! they both wrote and had a passion for music. they talk everyday and are hard to separate.
when one is down the other picks them up and brushes off all the bad feelings. they are there for each other no matter what. when one goes away they miss each other like crazy. so Johnathan doesn't know what going to happen when austyn goes away to college. but hopefully they will stay close.
one thing that scares them both is thinking about the future. they think about how much they miss each other when they are away for a couple days. but for months on end that will be hard...what are they going to do if they cant see the other,talk,or touch?
some might be confused by their relationship but they see it for what it really is. they wont be labeled in any aspect because they don't fit into the worlds labels.
i think that their lives are forever connected as long as they dont let each other go...just because one is leaving it doesnt mean its the end cause its only the beginning of this story.

Sunday, June 14, 2009


what is there to say? i started off with a great subject "lies". it sounds so interesting. i mean do you know how many times i have lied in the past weekend i lied a few minutes ago. but you never know how people are going to react to the true...so you tell them a story. send them on this amazing ride to this imaginary world that only they believe in cause they are too dumb to see whats really going on. or they think your too dumb to figure out that your lying. what i really hate is when you already know the truth and when you ask the person about it they lie. then you sit there feeling like a fool. its idiotic and stupid, i wonder what the world would be like if no one lied. there would probably be good things and bad things but hey everything needs a give and take. good needs bad and heaven needs hell. i bet every single person in this world lies at least once everyday. there is no way you cant,you can take it back and tell the truth later but you still lied.ok my hearts hurt and im tired of this so bye.

Sunday, June 7, 2009


hey...haven't posted anything in a while so I'm taking the time out of my exciting life to talk about how non exciting my life is. so of course I'm having i guess you could say almost relationship problems.i just don't think i need to be with anybody right now.especially someone i care about.so yea...I've been thinking a lot recently just about people in general.what is their problem? the human populace doesn't know what it wants.i don't know what i want so am i human? see? i don't even know what i am...my friend was texting me and she kept say "Janell" i have absolutely no idea who that is. when i told her that it was bothering me she started to call me "Johnathan" it was just such a relief i cant even describe the feeling that came over me when i read that. does that make you question me? it makes me question myself...have you ever felt like the person in the mirror wasn't you? that the life your living isn't yours at all? that's how i feel every single day of my life.I'm just a soul living in this girls body. i hate being in here but i cant change what god decided...i shouldn't look like this my body isn't supposed to be shaped this way,my voice should be different. my name isn't my name...but i have to accept it act like i enjoy it.but i feel like I'm using her...I'm not treating her right...she deserves better.better than this confused soul residing in her brain. mastering her thoughts and movements. using her body for my own personal gain dressing in bigger clothes trying to hide her then switching and exposing her body. though I'm uncomfortable the whole time..but aren't girls supposed to show their cleavage and legs.make people swoon. i have no idea since I'm in this body am i supposed to like being looked at, feign for compliments from the opposite sex? i absolutely hate compliments,they are for her not me and when i actually try to claim this body as my own i hate it its the most disgusting thing i have ever seen in my life.so when someone says "your are so beautiful" it cant be anything but a lie.because i truly don't feel that way and i know that they are complimenting her and not me.maybe if i could dress the way i wanted and not the way people expect me too then ill be happy...no ill still be just a soul hiding in this costume....but i will forever live in here with no escape.someone tell me how to get out i don't think i can take it anymore