yea...so

what should i do? that is the question that nobody wants to answer. especially me,i can't stand that but that is the one question i constantly ask myself but i never have the answer. or i just don't want to recognize it...sucky couple of days oh and guess what i have a freaking doctors appointment on Tuesday(more freaking meds!!!) so yeah i don't know what to do with myself anymore i have to change a lot of things and just get my life straight(ha ha like that could ever happen) anyway my last couple of post have been really short because i don't really want to divulge into my private life. if you know me well enough than you probably know what I'm currently going through,if not then that's your problem not mine.peace

after school special

OK so again i right down (type down) random crap..i just got home from school and yea got lots to talk about.why does everyone care so much about my sexuality i don't care about yours.is it really that interesting that i like females?i don't think so...anyway i just brought that up because someone asked me about it and such at school. now on to more interesting topics in history we have a project where we have to write and perform a 5 minute skit about a current problem. my group is doing the population explosion in India that should be filled with some good stereotypes.yea but hopefully it'll be fun i like writing skits sometimes,which reminds me of another thing i seriously need to start writing again or at least read a book or something.idk reading and writing is like an escape for me i love exploring unknown worlds or laughing at others "peoples" problems.its a good way to escape my own.yea yea im bringing up my crappy life again which actually isn't that bad.i have a lot of good parts that i don't know what i would do without.

enough with that paragraph...so someone once told me that i should stop putting on a front for other people and just be me.i thought about it and they were right but when you live in the costume all day and night its hard to take it off..ill get back to you on that..peace

yes twice in one night

I HATE BEING HERE!!! sorry but that's how i feel i really can't stand living in this place that everyone else calls home.it is like torture to me dealing with an annoying grandmother,a crying baby,a sister i love but can't handle sharing a room with anymore,and two love birds that make me miss the person i want to be with the most.why can't i emancipate myself?is it because i don't suffer from neglect or child abuse...or maybe because i really wouldn't be able to take care of myself and there's nowhere else for me to go.god sometimes i really wish i was back in the psychiatric center.yeah i know you're all "what you were in a psychiatric center?!" yes its not that big a deal.i was depressed and suicidal who isn't? but now I'm on crappy meds and have to talk to a talkative therapist once a month.aren't i the one who is supposed to be expressing myself and talking about my problems? guess she works on a different level then everyone else.yea anyway i guess i should stop complaining over the little things but with how stressed out i am everything seems big right now and i don't know what to do with myself...I'm going to end this now because i need to sleep or something...

the beginning of the end

yea i know this is like the fifth time I've started a blog...but i might actually commit to this.i need a productive and safe way to get out all my hormonal teenage thoughts.though i fell like a twenty year old in reality.that's one thing i wonder about a lot why should age matter its how mature the person is that should e the big issue.age is used as a stereotype just like everything else.the whole world is full of idiotic people that don't take the time to shut up and listen and think.maybe if people did that they would be more accepting of differences...idk you never know sometimes people are just assholes.what are you going to do about it.this is kinda long for me i never really rant this much but its always good to get shit out...oh wait another random thing why is cursing considered bad.i know people say that people who curse don't have a large vocabulary but i think i do.i also just like to curse its a good harmless way to get out frustrations with out punching a douche bag in the face but whatever.I'll let people think what they want.so yea i think this is enough for anyone that cares about my random thoughts to read.