hello coping skill!
well i saw amelia the other day(therapist) and she thinks im on a good track im going through life happy. im pretty proud of myself because i have stopped worrying about everyone else. they dont matter to me and they really dont affect my life. well i got distracted and cant write anything else later guys!

rant (with important message)

So my grandma and her new boyfriend are over here and we are all supposed to be meeting him. I am on the computer and the boys(chaz,marc,and lil chaz) are off in a different room playing xbox. I have realized that i have a very anti social family. i have no problem with that though im not really into meeting new people in my families lives. but i love meeting random people and creating new bonds with them. it's not like i trust those people with dark secrets or anything i just think its nice to meet someone new every once in a while.
i opened this web page not really knowing what i was going to write, i guess ill just rant because no one really reads this anyway its really a form of coping a new therapy skill that im trying to put to good use. ive been feeling pretty good the only times that i am down are when i feel sick or have a headache or something. my life has been going pretty well i dont have a lot of drama and everyone around me seems to be doing well.
this is my own personal journal lol.
i dont know what to do with myself..
another thing is that i have stopped worrying about relationships and love and all that. yes i do participate in cynicism but its all in good fun. love is a beautiful thing and should never be squandered. its nothing to play with though. like people using the word lightly or all willy nilly. its important and helps to hold people together. my message is basically to think hard and long before you even think of using those three words. because when you say them they will mean the world to the person you said it to..

time for an update

-yesterday was christmas and it was an eventful day
-i got a new phone, a book, and other stuff
-gave a friend a present
-met new people
-watched precious
-hung with my sister, my nephew, and her boyfriend
-talked to a bunch of friends
-got fussed out
-put up a little food
-watched stepbrothers
-ready for bed

short dumb poem

i can't wait to be realeased
from this prison that is my home
can i really claim my hometown?
without mind vomit
sorry for the visual
i want to leave and be free
even under their company

i have finally finished my short story NO MORE if you want to read it go to http://thisstoryistold.blogspot.com/ and ill probably put it on here full length

lovers

so..i remember that day. do you? you know when you took my hand and walked with me? oh...you..well i guess you don't remember. wow i really thought you would. i mean it was pretty special to me. i could barely breath with your hand on mine. oh and then we kissed i swear i went into shock from the power radiating from your lips. so soft and perfect. i just want to feel them again...how they rubbed against my neck parted and kiss me..tinged with coldness from the ice water you just drank...sending shivers down my spine. but the heat burning inside burned away the cold. i envisioned us entwined in a lover's embrace. hearts and breath perfectly in tune..as we became one..yearning to be even closer, my hand finds yours and everything seems clearer...i knew we were meant to be two star crossed lovers that could never be torn apart distance nor death could remove your heart from mine or vice versa. this was his will and who are we to ignore it. quietly we reached the point of no return and in silence we wept our tears of happiness

attention!!

i have come to the realization that i have no tolerance for stupid, loud, ignorant people. they do not have my respect and never will. if you come to me with that bullshit i will either fuss you out or punch you in the fucking face.
I'm not angry right now but i felt that that needed to be said.

cassie

to the outside world her willingness is apparant and her weakness is known. she tries to hide behind a head held high but everyone could see the sadness and heartbreak within her fragile body. she was just aching for someone to come save her from the nightmare that was her life. she felt abandoned like no one knew her..even though she was transparent and people could see through to her very soul.
but when they looked inside it was barren. feelings retracted and buried under behind a wall a thousand feet high. no one could get over it but all could see through. no one understood why she didnt let anyone in..what was the point of keeping others out when you wore youre emotions and thoughts very clearly?
anyone with the right tools could pinpoint how she was feeling and once they did she pulled back. warned them that it wasnt safe, she knew that she was dangerous and that anyone that got close would experience something terrible. she couldn't hurt anyone else, she just couldn't repeat the things that had already happened when she kill someone with their emoitions...

dreaded writer's block

ok so i have been trying to write a poem or a story for a while now...but i just can't. either i have terrible ideas or no ideas at all. i feel so unimaginative and just crappy (well not really but the writer in me does). i just wanna write. i want the words and conversations to flow out of me. but i dont want another love story or tragic life turned good. it's all so predictable i want something new and exciting. and just utterly amazing. does anyone have any ideas? i would love to hear them and yeah..im begging for help here people!